on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
