yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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