i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
