so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were trust falling into bushes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
