I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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