that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
