If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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