Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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