kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
