never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
