I must be too annoying 4 u.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
