Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
