If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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