I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
