You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
