Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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