just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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