i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
