he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
