I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
