it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
