i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
