Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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