Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
