Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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