I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
