You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
