no, he came in my armpit
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
