What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
