I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
