Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
