My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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