If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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