4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
