Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
