If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
