k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
