i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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