Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
