I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
