did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
