can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
