Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
