Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is wine microwaveable?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Randomize
