I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
