I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
