is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
