whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
