friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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