He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
