don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
