Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
